Rev's Ranch-West

You’ve known the asshole at the party: fucks up Stairway to Heaven, or attempts to sing Wonderwall, or tries to get the Beatles tone down. It’s all been heard before. It gets the ladies listening, and the men whistling. All in all, a good get.

But I’ve gone great: a vow of obscurity. Instead of Smells Like Teen Spirit, I will learn Rape Me. Instead of the huge acoustic hit Wonderwall, I will learn the equally-as-huge acoustic hit from the same year “What It’s Like” by Everlast (funny that they didn’t last forever like they implied).

Eye of the Tiger is great, a sports theme for everyman. But what about the television themes for everyman? I’ve got the “Saget track pack” going on this week; I’m learning Full House and America’s Funniest Home Videos.

Because, I mean c’mon. What’s going to get the ladies? The same tired old “Wish You Were Here”, or the bumpin’ melody, “For the red, white, and blue / The funny things you do / America / America / This is you”.

That’s right. I’m sorry I slept with the chick you wanted to get with. Next time, try to learn how to play the theme song to the Super Mario Brothers.